Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
The lovely thing about being 40 is that you can appreciate 25 year old men more.
Colleen McCulloug
Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W.C. Fields
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Will Rogers
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
Tommy Cooper
I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.
Tommy Cooper
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W.C. Fields
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
Spike Milligan
My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Eric Morecambe
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
Emo Philips
Wanna play a joke on your chiropractor? The next time he starts working on you, go limp and soil yourself.
Mike Wilmot
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Mark Twain
You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres
A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
Be able to go shopping for a bathing suit and not become depressed afterward.
Earwigs (Order Dermaptera) are small bugs that got their name from the myth that they climb into people's ears and therein lay their eggs or tunnel into the brain. Earwigs also have two penises! Both are larger than it's body and if it needs the second one just in case one of them snaps off! "It's an interesting phenomenon," says Mike Siva-Jothy of the University of Sheffield, UK. He thinks there must be some evolutionary advantage to the earwig's "unusually long" and fragile organs. 
Elephants are well known for their intelligence and caring for each other. Elephants cry and laugh and they are largest animals that live on land. Elephants live long, between 60-70 years. Elephant's musk has more than 100,000 muscle units and elephant poops around 80 pounds a day. It is known that elephants take a great care over dead bones of their family members. However, it is the myth that they carry them to secret "elephant burial grounds". Interesting elephant fact is that periodically male elephants go through musth or extremely aggressive sexual behavior. Musth in Persian means "intoxicated" and it is recorded that male elephant in musth has 60 times higher level of testosterone than in the normal elephant. Elephant male in the musth will kill and destroy everything in his path. Take a look at this shocking vicious video to learn more about this highly aggressive elephant behavior. Again we repeat THIS VIDEO IS VERY AGGRESSIVE! 
What happens when a male lion and a female tiger breed? A Liger - the largest of all felines. A liger looks like a giant lion with diffused stripes and some male ligers grow sparse manes. These massive creatures are 10 feet long on average and weigh about 700 lb (320kg). Liger love swimming - trait common to tigers but lacking in lions. Ligers have been bred in captivity, deliberately and accidentally, since shortly before World War II. The largest liger alive today is appropriately named Hercules and lives in Jungle Island in Miami. 
Cannabis was first cultivated in China around 4000 B.C. and the U.S. Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper. Twelve Americans receive prescribed marijuana from the U.S. government. There are three main types of Marijuana: Cannabis Sativa, Cannabis Indica and Cannabis Ruderalis. Cannabis Sativa grows taller and it gives more of a head high. Indica is a short bushy plant and the high is more muscle relaxing throughout the body. Cannabis Ruderalis grows in colder climates (Eastern Europe and Russia). Skunk is the strong Cannabis Indica hybrid. Interesting fact about marijuana is that marijuana cures/prevents more than 100 diseases including cancer and depression. We advise you to watch following videos: 
If you ever swim in the Amazon and Oranoco Rivers of South America please think twice before urinating in the water. Fish called Candiru or Carnero is attracted by urine smell (urea and ammonia) and it can insert it self into the penis or vagina while urinating. Then penis fish lodges itself somewhere in the urinary tract with its spines and it uses its mouth for feeding by sucking the blood. It is almost impossible for fish to survive inside of the human body. Removal of the fish is extremely hard due to the spines and if problem is not treated it can result in removal of the genitals. 
Goats can climb trees! In Morocco goats climb Argan trees to consume delicious berries which are similar to the olives. Local farmers follow these goats because fruit of the Argan tree has the nut inside which is used to make delicious cooking oil. Interesting fact (besides the climbing goats) is that Morocco goats spit or excrete these nuts, which then farmers use to make the Argan oil. However, Argan trees are close to extinction because of the tree wood harvesting. Some organizations are trying to promote Argan oil to became marketing success in order to preserve these weird trees. We all hope that these goats will continue their climbing adventures! 
There are more than 5000 ladybird species. Ladybirds usually eat plant lice. However, Asian species when introduced to the Europe attacked European ladybirds. Dots on the ladybirds have nothing to do with the years of living. Some ladybirds have up to 22 dots on the back. Average lifespan of these cute bugs is three years. Some people believe that ladybirds can predict the weather. If they fell off your hand it would rain, if they flew away it would be fine. 
An interesting fact regarding this insect is that, while they are mating, the female praying mantis eats the males head. No one knows for sure why, but it could be that protein from male body helps the eggs develop. Praying mantis have excellent eye sight and they can see up to 18 meters (60 feet) away. Who wants to be a mantis? 
It is believed that in a small town in North Eastern part of India (Jatinga) birds commit suicide in a particular 1.5 km long and around 200 meters wide strip of field area. These birds are not suicidal since their behavior may be attributed to heavy rains and floods and submergence of their natural habitat in the surrounding areas. Also the local villagers light torches which attract the birds migrating at night. They then clobber them to death with bamboo poles and eat them!
Although most known Scottish shepherd, Lassie, is white-brown, original Collies were mostly tricolor: white, brown and mostly black (on the back). It\'s also interesting that Collies are better known as \"Lassie\", than \"Collie\" or \"Scottish shepherd\".
Do you wonder where fireflies got their internal light? Fireflies actually contain the so-called Luciferin. This substance when combined with oxygen will enable them to produce light. This process is called bioluminescence and they light up to attract the mate. Same is true with angler fish which also produces light, but they use it to catch the prey.
Did you know that the average chocolate bar in the U.S. contains at least 8 pieces of an insect in it? Harvesting of the cacao beans occurs in the tropical countries of South America with low sanitation levels. Cacao tree beans are cut and piled in the farmer's field where they ferment for 6 days. During this process, children and adults walk over the piles; insects, rodents, small animals and other living things that make their nests in the piles. Actually the The U. S. Department of Health publishes a book entitled "The Food Defect Action Levels" in which they list unavoidable defects in food (insect, rodents etc.) all allowed by FDA. 
A pound of armadillo meat contains 780 calories. Most armadillos seen dead on the road did not get hit by the wheels. When an armadillo is frightened it jumps straight into the air. Armadillos have four babies at a time, always all the same sex. They are perfect quadruplets, the fertilized cell split into quarters, resulting in four identical armadillos. Armadillos get an average of 18.5 hours of sleep per day. Armadillos can walk underwater. 
Tasmanian tiger-wolf is an extinct wolf like carnivorous marsupial of Tasmania having stripes on its back. Despite its popular name, this animal is neither a tiger nor a wolf and it is closely related to the kangaroo. Tasmanian tiger-wolf has a pouch for its babies to climb in. The extinction of the Tasmanian wolf is attributable solely to activities of human beings, it was said to become extinct in 1936.
In the Second World War, during the Blitzkrieg campaign, German tanks were too fast and too powerful for Russian military. Russians idea was to train the dogs to carry bombs under the German tanks. The trainers would first starve the dogs, and then train them to find a food under the tank. Unfortunately, problem was that dogs trained under the Soviet tanks not the loud German diesel tanks. Plan backfired on Soviets, but they did manage to disable a reported 300 German tanks.
The largest octopus weighs about 15kg (Octopus dofleini). An Octopus has three hearts and it can squeeze through a hole the size of a 10-cent coin. Hapalochlaena species can inject enough venom in one bite to kill several adult humans. They can adopt a two-tentacles "walk" that frees up their six remaining limbs and makes them look like an armed vehicle.
Only female mosquitoes bites humans and drinks their blood. Male mosquitoes are much bigger than females, but they are harmless to the humans. Female mosquito uses blood to produce eggs since certain proteins are needed for reproduction. Actually mosquitoes are principally nectar feeders except of course for the females. However, mosquito family Toxorhynchites never drinks blood.
Hyenas live in a female dominated society. Female Hyenas are the most masculine females in the animal kingdom. They have very high levels of hormones that are usually found in the males. Also many female hyenas have enlarged clitoris, to the point of looking like a penis. The female hyena urinates, mates and gives birth through this modified clitoris (it is inverted for mating).
When a female horse and a male donkey mate, the offspring is called a mule, but when a male horse and a female donkey mate, the offspring is called a hinny. When a male zebra and a female donkey mate the offspring is called a ‘zedonk’ or ‘zebrass’. All of these resulting offspring are sterile (can't have babies).
People that are allergic to cats will be able to pet them without sneezing and scratching. Genetically engineered cats will be produced to help people with allergies enjoy their sneeze-free kitties Allerca, Inc., a biotechnology firm in San Diego, California, says it has bred Hypoallergenic Cats and is now taking orders from customers in the Unite
When the star ten times more massive than our own Sun, explodes (Supernova) it leaves behind the strangest phenomenon in the Universe. The Black Hole. After explosion what is left behind is heavy core of subatomic particles, a Neutron Star. It can be very small, but with enormous density. Scientists calculated that approximately one teaspoon of Neutron Star would weight around billions of tons. The gravitational pressure of this highly dense object is so large that it can bend fabric of time and space. This theory is based on Einstein's proposition that space and time are woven together in a flexible fabric. Massive objects like Sun warp the fabric of space and time and pull smaller objects like Earth. Very large Neutron Star can warp time and space fabric so much that it could create a hole where gravity is so strong that not even light could escape. Black Holes are pulling everything around them closer to the center of the hole. In some sense black holes are creators of the galaxies since they are pulling planets and stars towards the spiral center. Each galaxy has a Black Hole and occasionally galaxies collide together because of the gravitational pull from the larger black holes. It is expected that in 5 billion years Andromeda galaxy will collide and endeavor our Milky Way galaxy. 
VY Canis Majoris is the largest star known to man. It is a red Hypergiant, located in the Milky way and measuring between 1800 to 2100 solar radii. One Radius is equal to the current radius of the Sun and it is approximately 432,450 miles (695,500 kilometers). VY Canis Majoris is so large that if our Sun were replaced by it, its surface would extend to (or maybe even pass) the orbit of Saturn. 
This magnificent planet has been major candidate for the science fiction movies for many decades. When we consider all the facts it is impossible to imagine that any life could exist on Mars. However, scientists believe that straight lines on Mars are evidence of ice deposits underneath the planet's surface. The most concrete theory is that life on Mars existed billion years ago and some believe that there are remains of ancient civilization on Mars surface. The strange belief, based on Mayan studies, is that Martians fled their planet and landed on Earth (some believe that Mayans descended from Mars). Today Mars is made up of iron with largest volcano in our Solar system called Olympus Mons (see photo bellow) and largest canyon Valles Marineris, which is 2,500 miles long. Mars has two moons and scientists believe that the moon Phobos will crash into Mars in less than 50 years. Moon debris will stay in Mars atmosphere thus creating ring around the Mars similar to the Saturn's ring. Interesting fact about Mars is that NASA sent many missions to Mars and more than half of them disappeared without trace. 
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are witren, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Darkness is nothing but a absence of light. You can measure intensity of the light to infinity but can you do the same for darkness? Cold is nothing but absence of heat. Heat can be measured to infinity but cold maintains a steady value at a certain degree. Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. It was proclaimed that Albert Einstein said: "Evil does not exist, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light." There is no proof that Einstein said this and there is no proof that he didn't. However, based on constructive thinking there is no reason to suppose that Einstein was part of this "fictive" story. 
The large Hadron Collider is a massive particle accelerator used by physicists to study the smallest known particles. Two beams of subatomic particles protons or lead ions will travel in opposite directions colliding the two beams head-on at very high energy. Some people are afraid that it will create strange matter which turns everything it touches into strange matter meaning everything, miniature big bangs. 
Imagine the world without cancer. It has been proven that cancer is a deficiency disease caused by the lack of Vitamin B17 (Laetrile). Today there are more people making money from cancer than dying from it. That is the one of the main reasons why Vitamin B17 is disapproved by FDA and cancer associations. You can do research and find that pharmaceuticals companies pushed FDA to disallow sales of raw apricot seeds in the United States. Raw apricot seeds are known to have abundance of B17 vitamin. There is lots of money to make from patented drugs and if we all start eating raw apricot seeds than there will be no profit. This information is not a new breaking research, but we are trying to spread the truth about Vitamin B17 through the Internet. This fact has been proven as FICTION. Please see the comments and draw conclusions on your own research. 
A lot of General Practitioners argue that a balanced diet is all we need to live healthy. They are so wrong! 50 years ago, a plate of spinach contained all the minerals we needed to live healthier, but due to over farming, even if you eat a tablespoonful of spinach, there are some minerals such as mobidium, selenium and other trace minerals that are missing. Besides, a gp only studies nutrition on one semester, while nutritionists study the whole course! Minerals are the actual tools that repair your body! 
An atom is made of 200 or more than 200 subatomic particles because it is told that in an atom there is so much space and electrons take only 1/1000th volume of it so there left very much space. That space may have more subatomic particles in it and according to the calculations there may come more than 200 subatomic particles. Array
Fluoride is the bio-accumulative toxic that we all ingest every day either through the drinking water or toothpaste. It is believed that someone has lots of benefits from making people sick (to sell pills) or to make them dumber so we can listen/obey better. It is believed that fluoride does exactly that! We ingest it in large quantities without any reason. The fact is that we can have perfectly good teeth without fluoride. US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has never approved any fluoride product designed for ingestion as safe or effective. Some of the diseases/states that have direct influence from ingesting fluoride on daily basis: Osteoporosis, Dental Fluorosis, Hypoactivity or sluggishness, Reduced I.Q, Alzheimer's disease, Cancer. The list continues. 
The speed of light was broken by two physicists, Gunter Nimtz and Alfons Stahlhofen, in Germany from the University of Koblenz. This seriously questions Einstein's theory that no object or information can move faster than the speed of light in a vacuum. An example of what could happen with this is time travel, but not like you imagine: If you went for a car trip faster than the speed of light, you'd arrive at your destination before you'd even leave, theoretically, of course. As Dr Guenter Nimtz said: "The effect cannot be used to go back in time, only to reduce the time between cause and effect a little bit."
Nikola Tesla (Serbian scientist) the greatest genius since Leonardo da Vinci. Few people even know that man who invented the 20th century even existed. His ideas and inventions were credited by others. Nikola invented X-rays (credited to Roentgen), radio (credited to Marconi), the microwave oven, speedometer, automobile ignition system, basics behind radar, fluorescent bulb, electron microscope, neon lights and on top of all Tesla designed the first hydro-electric power plant in Niagara Falls (invented alternating currents). Tesla had biggest competitor Thomas Edison, who did everything to prove Tesla wrong and to erase him from history books. Tesla\'s ideas were so extreme that scientist community thought he was lunatic. He believed that both voice and image could be transmitted through the air (in the late 1800\'s), which of course was true since we have wireless Internet today. 
In 1940 Dr. S.S. Bryukhonenko at the Institute of Experimental Physiology and Therapy, Voronezh, U.S.S.R conducted research where he experimented with dogs and proved that dogs head can live without its body for three days. Special artificial conditions were created to power the head with arterial and venous pumps. Dog's isolated head reacted to all basic external stimulants: light, sound, pain and taste. This disturbing Russian experiment helped scientist around the world to create artificial organs that are used by many medical institutes. More recently Dr. Robert White of Ohio claims that he transplanted a monkey's head onto another monkey's body.
After several debates, astronomers have determined the age of the universe by using a Wilkinson Microwave Anisotropy Probe. By examining the microwave background radiation that WMAP provided, astronomers were able to pin down the age of the universe, accurate to 1%, to 13.7 billion years old.
If you spell all the numbers and try to find letter "A" you will have to count to thousAnd. Did you know that: 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321. Also 1,741,725 = 17 + 77 + 47 + 17 + 77 + 27 + 57. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
Maybe you didn’t know but WD-40 stands for Water Displacement, 40th attempt. Name was coined by the chemist, Norm Larsen, while he was attempting to concoct a formula to prevent corrosion by displacing water. Norm\'s persistence paid off when he perfected the formula on his 40th try.
The full chemical name for caffeine is 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine and its chemical formula is C8H10N4O2. When coffee is roasted, and when the coffee beans begin to cool, they release about 700 chemical substances that make up the vaporizing aromas.
Closest spiral galaxy to our Milky Way galaxy is Andromeda and even traveling at the speed of light it would take 2 million years to reach it. There are 100 billion galaxies that we can observe. Prediction is that there is much more, but Hubble Space Telescope couldn't detect them. The Andromeda Galaxy and the Milky Way is predicted to merge within the next 5 billion years. In the event like this smaller galaxies are consumed by larger ones. Andromeda galaxy is twice as large as Milky Way. 
Mao Tse-tung founded the People\'s Republic of China in 1949. He was one of the founders of the Chinese Communist party in 1921. In 1915 Mao attended university in Changsa, China where he wrote the longest recorded graphite, criticizing the Chinese school system and current state of Chinese society. His graphite consisted of more than 4000 Chinese characters. Mao Tse-tung was married four times and he believed that having sex with virgins \"would help to restore and reinvigorate a man’s health and vigor”. Mao was responsible for more than 30 millions deaths mostly from hunger and starvation.
Tsar and Emperor of Russia Peter the Great (1672-1725) was unusual ruler by many means. In the battle against the Turks in 1695 he fought as regular foot soldier believing that was the only way to beat the Turks. Peter is believed to have been six feet, seven inches in height (2.04 meters). He married twice and had 11 children, many of whom died in infancy. The eldest son from his first marriage, Czarevich Alexei, was convicted of high treason by his father and secretly executed in 1718.
Idi Amin, the former dictator of Uganda and the former heavyweight boxing champion of Uganda was one of Africa\'s most notorious dictators. During his eight-year rule an estimated 500,000 people disappeared or were killed. He praised Hitler and said the German dictator \"was right to burn six million Jews.\" He offered to be king of Scotland if asked. It was reported that Idi Amin ate his opponents.
United States presidential election, 1824, Andrew Jackson emerged as winner with majority of votes. However, under the 12th Amendment, if no candidate got a majority of the college, the election went to the House and there it was decided by Henry Clay, the all-powerful Speaker, who gave it to Adams, under the secret condition that Adam makes him secretary of state. Arguments went out of control and Adams supporters claimed that Jackson is bigamist, adulterer and murderer. Adams was accused of trafficking American virgins to Russian Tsar. 
His Excellency Saparmurat Niyazov Turkmenbashi, president of Turkmenistan is one of the most controlling dictators in the world today. There are no churches because he knocks them down. Each year he wants to resign as the president, but congress begs him to stay. He has even rewritten the calendar and renamed the month of January to "Turkmenbashi." April is named after his mother.
On February 22, 1732 George Washington was born. George Washington was the only of all Founding Fathers to free his slaves. Marijuana was the primary crop grown by George Washington at Mount Vernon. He was the first Mason to serve as president. Washington rejected a movement among army officers to make him king of the United States. Washington is the only president who was elected unanimously.
Modern Olympic Games were created in 1894, by a French educator Baron Pierre de Coubertin. However, Olympic Games date back to 776 B.C when they were celebrated as a religious festival. Around 393 A.D games were canceled because they represented pagan festival and celebration of the Greek God Zeus. Ancient Greek athletes performed naked that is why today we have the word gymnasium, "gymnos" in Greek means naked. The five interconnected Olympic rings represent the five significant continents of the world: Africa, the Americas, Asia, Europe and Oceania. China won the most gold medals at the 2008 Beijing Games and today's gold medals are silver covered with a thin coat of gold. 
It is the internet myth that the name of the popular Scottish game Golf stands for "Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden." The word golf originates form medieval Scottish and Dutch dialects. Back in a day before the creation of dictionaries, there was no standardized spelling of any given word. So it is believed that word golf originates from Dutch word "kolf" or "kolve" which meant "club." Later on old Scots dialect transformed the word into "gouf" or "golve ." 
Some say that 1974 FIFA World Cup was the one of the most intense world cups ever played. Juergen Sparwasser scored the most famous goal in the German soccer history, giving East Germany a win over the West in the only meeting between the sides. That was the only lost game for West Germany in the World Cup and that year West Germany became new World Cup Champion. Juergen was arrested later on for re-painting street signs in East Germany.
Curling is a Olympic sport founded by Scots in the 1540\'s and it is played on ice by two teams of four players each, using heavy stones which they slide down the ice towards a target area. It was brought to North America by Scottish immigrants and since it is played in the cold, founded by Scots surely back then alcohol was a regular part of playing. Interesting fact is that there are no judges in the Curling competition.
Marathon in Berlin is 26 miles long and it was apparently too long for thirty three runners who decided to take a shortcut by riding the subway. They obviously forgot the computer chips they were wearing, which automatically record their time every three miles. They were of course disqualified and their times were removed from the scoreboard.
In ancient Japan, public contests were held to see who in a town could fart the loudest and longest. Winners were awarded many prizes and received great recognition.